Event: Cross Country and Short Track Category: UCI Juniors 17-18 and Pro Women Result: 3rd and 18th The week in-between Fontana and Bonelli was spent in Orange County with good company and training. Before I knew it, we were back at Bonelli. After some great training, I was confident in my legs and myself. Although Fontana had presented 90-degree weather, Bonelli surprised us with rain and thunderstorm forecasts and did not disappoint. Not only was the Bonelli #2 course a little sloppy, but I was also delighted to find lots of long but punchy climbs and a technical feature that I felt suited me. Race day rolled around and I felt more ready than ever to tackle the challenge of racing. Enjoying our time off by the pool. Lunch at the Anaheim Packing House. After a pleasant morning spin to get my legs pumping, 4:30pm found me back on the line. The clouds hung dark and heavy in the sky, as ominous as ever. The whistle blew and I immediately fell back in our group of twenty. I fought for position and by the first climb, was third wheel into the first single track. I moved into second and although my positioning was ideal, a familiar feeling started to settle over me: clouding dizziness. I did my best to shake it off and when our pack hit the next climb, moved into first, opening up a small gap. I knew if I dug deep, I could open a larger one, but my vision had started to spot. My autonomic nervous system dysfunction had set in and I knew this meant I had my work cut out for me. I dropped back to second wheel. Haley and I worked together to pull away from the field and pretty soon it was just us. Lap number two began and my vision slowly worsened. The blood flow to my brain and the rest of my body slowed. I could feel my movements turn sluggish. With the end of the second lap closing, I slid out in the off-camber mud. I scrambled to get back on my bike and a feeling of panic overtook me. I found I was too dizzy to even swing my leg over the frame, and when I finally managed that, I slipped again. I couldn’t even walk straight. My panic engulfed me, gobbling my thoughts: I had fallen into its vicious cycle. I stopped and forced myself to relax, taking several moments to regain my calm. Slowly, I began riding. Although I was riding and a bit calmer than moments before, I was now tremendously anxious. This same dizziness had previously forced me to pull from World Championships and I was convinced that was what I had to do now. I descended with painful tentativeness to the feed zone, but my mind didn’t stop racing. After Worlds, my autonomic nervous system dysfunction had been a large enough factor where I was threatened with the prospect of having to quit racing. I had worried that it would never allow me to perform to my aspirations and my parents worried about safety. My mom and I had spent endless hours with doctor after doctor, attempting to diagnose my symptoms. Finally, we figured out a diagnosis and worked through medication trials to find a supportive treatment which would allow me to continue racing, as I simply could not let go of my favorite thing in the world. I knew this health hurdle was something I could jump. The defeat that I had felt late last season surged through me, and suddenly I didn’t care what it took to conquer that: I would finish this race, and I would give it everything I had. During my internal struggle, Haley had disappeared from my sight and Rachel and Fiona had zipped past me. But I knew what I wanted, so I put my head down and fought. Entering the feed zone, Dario screamed at me to never give up, the exact words I needed to hear. I caught Fiona, passed her and soon had closed in on Rachel’s wheel. However, right as I caught up, the mud dislodged my chain. I stopped and fixed it, but Rachel was long gone. I crossed the finish line not exactly happy, but satisfied that I had pushed through and shown myself that my condition was conquerable. What is mountain bike racing? Mountain bike racing is crying in the shower post-race. Mountain bike racing is six awful race days for one good day. It is crossing the line having given everything you had to your race, not just physically but also mentally. It is pouring your heart into being able to spin two wheels just a little faster. It is incomparable- heartrate pulsing, the sound of the start gun, the world standing still as everything falls into place. The excruciating pain is more than worth it in exchange for the unmatchable joy of giving my best effort as I cross the line. Cycling allows me to reach past the stars. It sears me with the agony of failure, the taste of dusty tears. But it never fails to reward, teaching me joy, and that perseverance and passion will always triumph. Beyond all, it is my favorite thing in the world and I feel blessed to have the support to be able to do it. On a lighter note, Sunday found me back in the Pro Women field, this time joined by a couple of juniors. When the gun went off, I struggled to find my pedal and fell to the back. I rode as aggressively as possible and was able to move to the end of the front group. However, I was too far back to make the top pack when the group splintered again. I dropped the women I was with and was back in no-man’s land by myself. I reeled in person after person, and caught Haley. I was excited to have the chance to work with her to catch the front group, but she dropped off my wheel. I spent the rest of the race focusing on moving up and finished 18th. I was happy to have a shot at a little redemption after the cross country race and thrilled to have lined up with some of the fastest ladies in the world. Huge thanks to Dario, my mom and Josh for running a flawless team that I am honored every time to be a part of. I also feel beyond grateful to have incredible sponsors like Oakley, Specialized, Osmo and Probar that keep me fueled and running smoothly. Without them, none of this would begin to be possible.
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Events: Cross Country and Short Track Category: UCI Juniors 17-18 and Pro Women Result: 2nd and 10th Post Bonelli #1, I spent a few weeks back at home putting in some solid training before venturing back down to Los Angeles where the two big United States races of the year would be: Fontana and Bonelli #2. These are crucial races for the season because they have UCI points, ranking you in the world and giving you a call-up for World Championships (if you qualify). However, due to Whole Athlete’s phenomenal support, I settled right in and the stress was minimal. We arrived to the venue on Friday to find a pile of rocks in the middle of strip mall and freeway galore, otherwise known as Fontana. The course waiting for us was loose, dusty and hot hot hot. We started on a long pavement climb that quickly turned to punchy, off-camber single-track, which allowed almost no time to recovery, and then turned straight to a demanding but fun descent and finally finishing on a long tempo section. 4:15 pm, 85 degrees, Sunday afternoon on the line. Glancing around, I could see not only the top girls in the United States but also Canada and Japan. Due to a misunderstanding at registration, I did not get my second place call-up and instead started dead last of 23 girls. That was okay though, the whistle blew and I moved to the front before the first climb. As soon as we hit the pavement climb, our pack shattered. I found myself hitting the single-track climb following Haley and Rachel, right where I wanted to be. We rode as mini-pack until the final descent, where Haley and I broke away from Rachel and opened up a bit of a gap on the long tempo section. Heading on the second lap, I was feeling good and when we hit the pavement climb, I put in an attack and opened up a bit of a gap. On the single-track climb, Haley found my wheel again. Before the second single-track descent, she slipped around me and led. Hitting a loose, blown out corner, my front wheel slipped and I fell hard. It took me a minute to regain my calm and by the time I did, Haley was long gone. Although I was totally fine, I rode the rest of the lap a little shaken, focusing on remaining smooth. I crossed the line in second; my throat sucked of any moisture due to the heat, covered in dust and a little bit of a blood, wheezing but beaming, satisfied with my performance because for some reason, that’s what mountain bike racing will do to you. The next day was the Pro Short Track which I opted to do for the experience. It is an amazing feeling to line up next to some of my biggest idols. Since I did not have a call up, I lined up in the back. The whistle blew and we were off. Coming around the first corner, I got stuck behind the group and had to slow way down. Then, on the first climb, I took the inside line as three girls locked bars and started to go down, into me. I narrowly escaped. By then, the lead group was long gone. I spent the rest of the race chasing down the front group best I could. I finished in 10th and was more than happy to be “along for the ride.”
Another solid weekend of racing is in the books, and it could not have been possible without Dario, Josh and my mom. Every race is a reminder of how lucky I am to be part of such a phenomenal team. Now for a week of recovery down in Los Angeles before Bonelli next weekend! |